I’ve been late to work for weeks. I’ve started laying in bed for an extra half hour or so, between when the alarm stops and when I know I need to either go or stay. Usually I go, sometimes I stay. I pet the cat and listen to songs sometimes. I feel like I need time to convince myself it can be a good day, it doesn’t have to suck that badly. Of course, leaving 30 minutes late for work isn’t the best start…
It’s 9 am, I’m on the train, I’m late for work, it’s all the same.
I just need to not be into you. Is that what he said? I just need to take a poo. I just need to not be blue. I just need a didgeridoo. Not be into you? Into who? That’s what I need, too. But it’s probably not what he said.
What if we feel exactly the same way? That is way more terrifying than him not giving a shit. I wonder what I would do if that was what was happening, and he told me to my face. I feel like it’s building up to that sometimes, but then things dissipate..
This weekend there’s a show I might go to, or fancy drinks in Chinatown, or dungeons and dragons… And it’s our anniversary, and his band practice in our room, and maybe I will just go north forever and never come back.