Morning routine,

My favorite part of the morning is when I stretch and crack my right shoulder.

Something is happening tonight, but people can be flakes and I should be a good girl, so maybe nothing will happen. You can’t be disappointed with no expectations, right? I’m trying to remind myself of that, but it can be difficult to let go and see where things take you when you’re so anxious to just go anywhere at all. I’m finding myself with vague plans and empty hands. I’m not really finding myself at all.

Editor’s note: I think this diary is an important way to explore feelings in a non-destructive way. Talking about complications allows me to pursue inaction as an action. In layman’s terms, I’m not going to cheat on my boyfriend just because I have a complicated relationship with a friend that I find objectively attractive. I value loyalty and trust above all, so having this outlet allows me to make sense of the mess in my brain caused by a romantic dream or being stood up for a beer. Just because I love my boyfriend doesn’t mean I can’t think about being with another man, I just can’t fuck another man. And I don’t want to, anyway. The feeling of sexual tension is harmless without the concept of intent.

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